Faith,Trust, and Roller-Coasters

Why is trust so very hard for us? What is it about it that makes it seem impossible at times?

Why can't I just trust that it will all work out?

I have always thought that trust and faith go hand-in-hand. Faith is believing in something you cannot see, but trusting that its there. Trust is having faith that it will work out. So simple. No physical labor is involved, but emotionally? Now thats another story.

If you trust someone, they could let you down. If you don't trust them, then you're alone. So which is worse. Being alone sucks. So I guess the only choice is to trust. Even when its difficult.

I hate not knowing what is coming. I don't like being in the dark, because who knows what I could run into. I think thats why its hard for me to have faith and trust. For the reason that I just don't know what is out there.

But isn't that what Christ asks of us? To trust. I have faith God is there. There isn't a doubt in my mind about that. I know He will get me through whatever He brings me to. Its just the whole unknown thing... I don't know where I will go to college, or what I want to do. Who I will marry or where I will live. I don't know what challenges lie ahead.

Thats a scary thought. Its like riding a roller-coaster for the first time. You get in, tighten the safety harness, start up the incline, and trust that you aren't about to die. Sure you're scared, but you are secure in the fact that the maker of the coaster wouldn't do anything to harm you, thus the harness.

Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna get on my coaster, buckle up, go around the curves and trust that the Maker only wants the very best for me. :)

Courage

The past few books I have read have been about military relationships and that sort of thing... I just have to say, those of you who are dating or married to someone in the military: you are amazing. The strength and courage that takes is amazing. The faith and trust it takes is unreal. I don't know how you do it.

My good friend just recently told me that he is thinking of going into the Air Force. When he told me, my heart sort of stopped beating. I have always been scared of losing a loved one to the military. I don't think its wrong, I'm thankful for what they do, it just scares me.... Its one of my biggest fears. So I had to stop and think when he told me this. Do I want him to be happy? Well, of course I do, I love the guy. Do I want him to get hurt? Heck no! Then came this thought: Do I trust God? Yeah, I do. So even though he is still unsure about his decision, I'm sure of mine. I will trust the Lord to keep him safe.

I know this situation isn't a huge deal or even a possibility, but that scares me still. So I pray that no matter what happens, I will have courage through the Lord.

On My Knees

I usually just write these things down on my own private computer, where no one can see. I never thought I would start a blog... I'm not sure why, I just didn't. But talking about how I feel, writing it down is just part of who I am. So here it goes:

So many times I get discouraged, I cry. I get mad that I can't seem to do anything right. I feel alone when I know I'm not. I try to stay happy all the time. But I just can't do that. I cannot act like those words didn't sting or this rejection didn't cut me deep. Its at this point, my breaking point, that I fall on my knees. I find that you're at a better place to worship if you're already down.

I love my God. He is my Savior, my Comforter, my Strong Tower, and all I need. Though up until last year I hadn't really experienced the absolute fire burning for Him. M-Fuge camp changed my life. I firmly believe that. It broke me. And you cannot get what is better until you see what is wrong. M-Fuge showed me that. I was never a drinker or a druggie or a slut(Im still not) but I was not living my life for His Glory and now thats what I strive for. To be the bigger person, if that means I need to sacrifice my pride, then so be it. I'm willing. Worship songs bring tears into my eyes because now I know just how AMAZING and freeing His love can be.

Now, here I am. Living my life for Him. When its hard, when I want to break down, I let those tears fall. And praise His wonderful name since He is there to catch them.